3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
