It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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