What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
