What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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