I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
