census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She bit a glass in half.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
