is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
