things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
