Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
