now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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