I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
it was like eating out sand paper
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
