my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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