Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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