Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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