Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
