you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
