it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
