alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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