Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
