Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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