I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
