found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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