Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
