Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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