Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
