I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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