I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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