So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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