you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
