He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
