So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
