I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
