he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
