1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
