Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The uberlube is also flammable
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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