i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
