After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
