I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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