So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
