I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
