Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
