This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
