they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
