All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
