She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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