this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
