at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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