She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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