Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
