Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
